Listen up neat freaks: you’re actually pretty messy.

I know.

The. title. sounds. really confronting.

and. a. bit. rude.

But hear me out!

I do not talk for no reason.

My words have meaning.

me-an-ing.Β 

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Okay, maybe not those words. πŸ˜‚

I’ve been wanting to write this post for a couple of days, and now the time has finally come. It’s 7:47 pm and I’ve spent the day at home as I was feeling a little under the weather today. I had my school swimming carnival yesterday, and apparently it was something in the water.. that I didn’t swim in.

Mysterious, right?

But what’s even more mysterious is why, despite factors like the time being creepily close to the witching hour, and sleep calling, and uh, just about everything, I choose to do things like clean my room. Thoroughly clean! Regularly.

I don’t mean, throw your crap under the bed clean. Because that isn’t clean. I mean throw your stuff away clean. Go about minimalising your room until 3 am. When you’ve just come back from Melbourne, ie: sat in a darn car for twelve hours.

[Don’t worry. I’m not doing any of this right now.. it’s just well, recent events.]

And I’ve been thinking about it, and even for a while, consider the possibility that I might have OCD. I don’t, fortunately. I watched a video on what it would be like, and while I don’t consider the source to be 100% reliable, watching it, was well, so frustrating. I wanted to scream and kick my head in because it felt like I was going to faint from how repetitive and exhausting it was. I can’t imagine experiencing the real thing, and I don’t want to. So, what doΒ  I call myself?

A neat freak.

Yes, I am your stereotypical ‘must be tidy, must be perfect’ human.

And it’s good sometimes. The less clutter I have around me, the better I feel. The happier my mind is. That doesn’t make it any less exhausting though, seriously. I often feel simultaneously horrified and amused by my apparent inability to laze around in mess and actually function. Sure, my neatness only extends to my room, and belongings, so it’s not like, full time freaky, but it’s there. My mum wishes it was a bit more far reaching though, so I’d obsessively feel like cleaning the whole house.

Be careful what you wish for, because I’m sure you’d take it back if it ever was to happen!

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Haha, I just googled ‘neat freak problems #101’ in google images. I was hoping I’d get results like if I was to google ‘teenager problems’. Has anyone ever googled those? πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚

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On a more serious note, I know where there compulsions come from.

I have a serious perfectionist streak.

For instance, I cried last year when I got 72% in my yearly science test. I had done well, but just missed the point of one page, and lost a few marks here and there. When I found out that most people had done a bit better, I freaked out and started sobbing. Everybody saw. My friends were sympathetic and lovely, and my then boyfriend raced out of his seat and practically turned into Mr Perfect. And then there were the other times, when I got really good, and sometimes, even perfect scores, or did well enough to satisfy myself. Like, today. I did some painting for my journal and loved how it ended up, but I spent a while yesterday mentally freaking out over how badly I’d done on the previous journal page.

Over the years, I’ve been through a lot of things that all came back to my one desire to have it all figured out. Depression, body image issues. Lots and lots of things. I’m a lot better now, and grateful that I have some clue as to what I need to do to stop feeling like this, but unfortunately, some of it is in my DNA.

And the rest, maybe that can be equated to triggers.

Not too long ago, I got some sort of minor dermatitis, and ever since then, I’ve started washing my hands more and generally being more cautious about what I touch and come into contact with. Consciously.

When we’re made aware of something that we don’t want, we’re more likely to try and do everything in our power to avoid it. Whether that’s spending time studying for a test or risking failure [What defines ‘failure’, anyway?] or staying out of the rain should we decide not to risk a cold. [You can’t stop me from going out in the rain, by the way, nan. Yes, I did that today. πŸ˜‚]

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Anyway. Are you a neat freak? Do you agree with what I’m saying here, or did I confuse the heck out of you? I sure hope not, because this is a messy enough topic without me being confusing. Nevermind. Just talk to me in the comments! Let me know I’m not alone! Hugs x

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Shocked_ In awe_ Yep, I know it's a good post! (2)

 

 

10 thoughts on “Listen up neat freaks: you’re actually pretty messy.”

  1. I don’t think I’m a neat freak…. mostly. There was a period in my childhood where I felt compelled to be very neat and orderly because my mom urged me to be. Now as an adult I just don’t care. For certain things, like clothes in my drawers, yeah I will fold them and not just shove clothes in to fit stuff in there lol. But I’m not going to get hung up on making my bed each morning or putting away books or pens that I’m going to use again in the next few hours.

    The one thing I can say I have a back and forth with is my skin. 😦 I believe it’s a self-esteem issue and also an anxiety driven thing. As a teen I once went nuts on my eyebrows and overplucked them out of the irrational belief that they looked too “bushy” even though they were not. I did that once and never again because I was conscious of people pointing out how strange my eyebrows looked (until the parts I plucked grew back over time, eventually). After that it was in high school that I got into a problem with picking my scabs and also pulling out strands of my hair from the root. I no longer do the hair pulling but the scab picking is still an ongoing issue for me now, although not as extreme. There was a point in college when I decimated a lot of my face with repeated picking. I find it tends to flare up when I feel anxious and pick as a coping mechanism to soothe my anxiety. I’m better today at not touching my face, but then I end up picking my back, which has a lot of scarring from years of it.

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    1. Hi Nat! Thank you for such a thorough comment! I really appreciate you sharing this with me. About the bushy eyebrow thing, I’ve got wog genes (πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚) so same here! I get a lot of compliments with people telling me that they’re completely on fleek, but just the other day, my aunty told me that she’d take me to get them done. I was just like “I think they’re fine..” Bit of social conditioning there. I know it doesn’t quite apply, but oh well! I once went through this period where I kept blinking excessively for ages. It was so frustrating. Stress related, I think.

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      1. Omg, me too with the blinking! I often felt like I wasn’t in control during those times. 😦 I’d blink frequently if I felt stressed/anxious but being a kid that grew up without a proper understanding of what anxiety was, I knew I had a problem but didn’t know how to verbalize what I was feeling. Even my own parents didn’t seem to get why I was blinking so much and my dad simply told me to stop or I’d look “ugly”. πŸ˜’ At school during one high school semester, I got nicknamed “Blinky” by a bully because of it. So awful.

        Full eyebrows are pretty. ☺ I guess not everyone finds them pretty, but it’s definitely good to decide for yourself. It’s also hard to be judged based on beauty ideals of society. This is a long time ago but I used to watch a show called Ambush Makeover where women on the streets were convinced to get a makeover lol. After a while I thought the show was pretty superficial and kinda catering to a certain audience. It seemed like every time, the woman’s gorgeous natural hair color would be dyed blonde with some sort of highlights.

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      2. Ugh, it’s terrible, isn’t it! I felt so out of control and it was really impacting my daily life. I’m so sorry to hear you had to go through that- some people are horrid, aren’t they? πŸ˜ͺ And haha, was that show american? A generalisation, of course, but they tend to do a lot of that stuff!

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      3. Yep, some kids can be horrible people. At least I don’t have to deal with that again. And yes, the show was American. Lol! It was one that aired during the early 2000’s. I must have been like 14? I can’t believe I ever watched such a mindless show. πŸ˜”

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  2. you are MOST definitely not alone!! 100% agree and relate with this post. I’m also a perfectionist and sometimes it drives me crazy but I can’t stop myself at the same time?? And dermatitis; I’ve had that since I was the size of a molecule XD I find that when I’m more stressed the eczema gets worst… it’s maybe just me πŸ™‚ xx

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