it’s not about the money money money

We blame

For the longest time, I spent my days chasing material possessions that left me fulfilled for roughly a tenth of a second. 

I honestly don’t even know where to start. In a place of honesty, I guess.

There are lots of purchasable things that can make momentary impacts on us, but never anything long lasting, or meaningful.

Money keeps me fed, clothed and with a roof over my head.

But it never made me happy.

Most days I’m incredibly pained, somewhere. Sometimes it’s like a dull hollow emptiness, and other times I feel it in my heartbeat, or my spat out words.

I’m talking about mental health, and yes, I promise, give me a moment and I’ll tie up all the loose ends for you, if this isn’t already making sense.

I have depression, amongst a few other things. A year or two ago, I told you guys that I wanted to be as real as possible with all of you, and I want to live up to those words.

Pretty much every day is the same old, same old. Nothing bad ever really happens, but nothing good seems to either. I do the things I’ve always done in this new state. I do my chores, and my work and I answer happily when people ask about my day. Sometimes, I go on a fun spending spree either alone or with friends and I try to drown the demons that can’t yet swim with materialistic pleasures.

But when I come back home, everything is just meh.

The funniest part about all this is that, well, those things that money can’t buy.. they’re either free or extremely expensive.

Common sense. Love. Respect. Joy. Wisdom. Health. Humility. A happy home. Quality time. Trust. Hope. Dreams. Talent. Purpose. Perspective.

Please, name a few. Think of the places you could go with either the cheapest or most costly of tickets.

But the real truth is this- there are so many keys to finding what you truly desire. There are so many people who have unlocked closed doors and dusted things off only to find incredible treasures.

Worth nothing and everything. So immeasurable. Things we keep forever.

Since honestly is another theme of today’s post, along with true wealth and mental health, I should tell you that I’m not so sure I know how to find any of these things, but the day I do, I will happily trade in every single material possession.

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