Today I’m going to talk about confidence and how big of a game changer it is. Being confident in yourself is both not as easy or as hard as you may think. For most people, it’ll sit in the middle somewhere. For the longest time, I’ve been working on project ‘be okay again’ and I’m really starting to see the way things are coming together for me. I want to share with you my experience so far and some of the tools that have helped me get closer to where I want to be.
Your behaviour doesn’t have to be hesitant. You don’t need to second guess yourself. There really ARE endless possibilities out there for you.
On New Years Day, I decided to spend a bit of time detailing and trying to manifest my dream life. I got out my journal, turned to the notes section and wrote a few pages of what I felt I deeply wanted. I got really specific, because I knew I had the power to create that for myself. It might take time, but it was surely possible.
It’s been two and a half months now and I am shocked at how much I’ve achieved. Some thing look different to what I envisioned them as. I was expecting something else entirely, but what I’ve got feels more than good enough. It feels right for me.
I won’t get into my backstory, but if you know me, you know anyone can experience positive and lasting change. I’ve had some ups and downs this year, times when I’ve needed a few times to collect myself and make a game plan. Times when I’ve felt I just couldn’t handle much more.
I’ve also experienced a lot of beautiful things though. I’ve been focusing on relationships this year- friendships and a special someone. It’s all just fallen into place, just like that. Honestly, in ways I never knew it could. We’re always taught that hard work and struggle is the only way to achieve, but that simply isn’t true. For the first time in my life, connecting with people has been effortless. I made a large group of friends on the first day and I’m already best friends with some. It absolutely blows my mind how connected I am with others, the bonds I’ve been nurturing so far. I firmly believe it all comes down to the fact that I’ve changed my mindset. For this reason, I am already happier, less stressed/worried, more successful.. honestly, I could go on. Before school started for the year, I was thinking to myself that I could change everything. This was another fresh start in a new place. I could be anyone I wanted. I could be popular. I think I’ve gotten better than that though. The girl I see this year is so vibrant, so bubbly, so alive.. I wonder if she was here the whole time. Why couldn’t I find her before?
To feel like you’re thriving is something so special. To know that what you’ve got satisfies you. To feel excited and passionate about living, really living- not just existing.
I’ve managed to transform the way others see and interact with me, but also the way I do with myself.
To foster confidence, I’ve stopped expecting unrealistic things from myself, like perfection. I cannot do everything right.. heck, I can’t even do some things well, but there’s a lot I am good at and that is enough. I got a maths test back the other day and while my result was downright unfavourable, I didn’t feel like getting upset over it. I didn’t allow it that kind of power over me. It isn’t going to matter soon, after all. In fact, it stopped mattering the day I took the test. I have also let go of stress and anxiety surrounding assignments and tests. I am choosing instead to trust in my very capable self. I find this puts me in a powerful position because I’m giving back to myself- I’m keeping the cycle of confidence in my ability going. This in turn has allowed me a healthier mindset and perspective. Things seem simpler, not nearly as out of control as they were before. I feel level headed. If others have issues, they can come to me and I’ll be able to help, instead of taking things on as my own and feeling weighed down. I’ve also been listening to positive affirmations in the morning before I go to school- It may sound cheesy, but ten minutes or so each day makes a big difference to how I feel.
As for insecurities, we all have them. They’re okay, they’re normal. That doesn’t mean we have to live with them though. There are many ways we can work through the things that constantly niggle at us. I’d say, first off, sit we the discomfort and really become aware of your thoughts around certain people and situations. What comes up a lot for you? What persists, no matter how much you try to work through it, push it away or deny it? That’s your problem. I know personally I struggle with some relationship insecurity. My boyfriend is so smart, capable and involved. He’s pretty much a model citizen.. I wonder sometimes why he chose me and whether I am successful enough. Funnily enough, he has similar worries, despite all I see in him. I’m lucky to have someone I can be vulnerable with. I guess the truth of the matter is that we all overthink and worry about things that may be irrational.. and our thoughts aren’t it. They’re completely subjective. We should always aim to make positive changes, but for what cannot be changed, acceptance is enough.