All my ducks lined up

 

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I was talking to my boyfriend the other day and he went “Oh, I know that voice. That tone. Do you want to tell me what’s wrong?”

He’d just asked me how I was and I’d replied somewhat uncertainly. “Nothing really. Well, I don’t know. I’m just trying to get all my ducks lined up if that makes sense. I know that’s silly because nobody has all their ducks lined up. Most people have like, a few good ducks and then the rest are crooked and look, you can even throw in a blue duck amongst all the yellow. Something just isn’t working. ”

He just laughed as if to say “Mhm, I hear you.”

 

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The very nature of life is so unpredictable and messy that in reality, us trying so hard to control every outcome in the situations we face actually does us a disservice.

This is something I personally struggle with. I feel my best when all aspects of my life are perfectly curated.. or at least as many as possible. Perfection, after all, has never been attainable and that’s a blessing in itself.

I think for a long time I’ve been less focused on the journey and more on the destination, often forgetting that the moments in between, even the ones of great uncertainty and uncomfortable confusion, make up life too. With the rise of social media and the influence of our new generation, comes the sometimes unseen and unrealised pressure to have it all figured out. Maybe all of that is less about quality of life and more about our pervasive desire to have it all worked out.

I still find myself stressed in times of doubt. I overthink the unknown and drive myself stark raving mad even. I find myself surprised by spontaneity. I laugh. I smile. I cry. I love.

Perhaps the best things can’t be explained or defined. Maybe they lie somewhere between unexpected and expected. Maybe they make us feel deeply or fall really hard. That’s life, you know? Placing your trust in the unknown and letting things take their course.

 

maryam

2 thoughts on “All my ducks lined up

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