While I’ve always admired godly people, I’ve never considered myself “that type.” The whole idea of guidance, unfailing love and salvation appealed to me, but I still couldn’t fathom how other people made that release, giving themselves and their lives entirely over to God.
I think part of it stems from my ongoing issue of always needing control. Being able to relinquish that desire and trust even in darkness and uncertainty. God himself has said that he wants us to walk towards him in blind faith, for we have much greater belief when we do so without knowing for sure. Nobody can confirm the existence of God, really, and yet so many lives centre about him.
All lives, actually, whether we realise it or not.. whether we believe or not.
Lately though, I’ve felt myself moved by faith. I’ve come to realise that I cannot carry all my burdens for they are heavy. I’ve come to realise that unbridled joy and calm heart and benefits I can reap anytime, all the time. I’ve come to realise that a relationship with God is an absolute game changer, more than capable of transforming even the toughest spirit. It’s one thing to want God in your corner during you hard times, which is where I started. It’s another thing entirely to want God in your corner all the time, simply because he is a permanent fixture in your life. Responsible for your happiness, creating it.. wanting to share it with you. He truly is merciful and always listening, even when we aren’t our best selves.
When we’re in the midst of darkness and thrown a flashlight, it’s so much easier to believe in miracles and be led onto the right path. When we struggle under the weight of problems much bigger than us, growing weary and tired, we realise we are only human. Perhaps God uses our hardships, our times of darkness, to silently transform us into people who are truly whole, complete because of him.
God is so good and we should rejoice in that knowledge.
A particularly defining event for me happened only a few days ago, when someone I love fell very sick and was in the hospital. It seemed like he might not pull through. I felt so bad because I had no way to influence the situation, the outcome. I couldn’t change it. This particular person however, has always inspired me believe in something more and give it up. Just be humble, trust, be unafraid. I was so afraid, so I did the opposite of what I normally would’ve done. Instead of breaking down and giving into my emotions, which never helps, I took a different route. The godly route. I repented and then prayed and prayed and prayed like I never have before. I did my own recitations, listened to some. I took three hours out. When I was done, everything felt still and calm. I felt like I could be okay. I felt the situation could turn out. When I got a text later on, informing me that he was doing so much better, I absolutely broke down. A Christian song, “You say” by Lauren Daigle was playing. I just felt.. so moved. I felt like rejoicing, rejoicing through happy tears, through the sad. I just wanted to feel, really, and I did.
I truly believe that God works through us all no matter who we are. We all experience him in our lives in some way or another xx