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Bloom Discussions: Self Love

 

 

I started a wonderful course called Bloom this week and wanted to dedicate today’s post to sharing some of the wisdom that I picked up on- I feel it’s truly invaluable life advice. This isn’t what you hear at school and doesn’t fit into a curriculum. This is self guided knowledge that comes only from experience. The course runs for two months and was created by Kaitlin Howitt.

There’s about twenty three of us Bloom Girls this time around. In the first intake, there was over a hundred which is positively mind boggling. I see this as a great opportunity to make like minded friends. Kaitlin is a gorgeous soul and I’m so lucky to have this opportunity to benefit from what she’s learnt. The course is paid and for this reason I can’t share any video from it. However, I took the time to write down lots of notes which is what you’ll be seeing here. For brevity and ease of reading, they will be shortened to be succinct.

 

 

It extends further than a hot bath or early bedtime. It’s something deeper- a commitment to self. Self Love is something that we are born with, in fact. when we’re little, we adore ourselves. We look at our reflections with curiosity, not hate and negativity. So, what changed? As we grow older, we forget what self love feels like. We lose our self honour and nurturing nature. We think we always lacked self love when in fact, it is deeply ingrained within. At our core, we knew Self Love and the places it resides, especially on our good days when we feel most connected to our life energy. We need to do all that is within our power to hold onto this. The truth is that we already epitomise the purest form of love. Our responsibility is to show up and be that every day. To actively choose it and reflect our inner love onto the world. It isn’t the love that’s lacking but more so the actions that show it. After all, words that aren’t backed up by positive actions fall flat. They hold no power and meaning.

As children, we create our own belief system. In our solar system, the world and all its people revolve around us and further our case. As we grow up however, we are forcibly pushed out of first place and no longer hold the spotlight all day every day. When you cease to be a child and enter adulthood, you are resisting the urge to matter the most. Instead, you must have the interests of yourself, family and your community in mind at all times. This is the role you naturally slip into when at work or acting in a way that is of service to another. We walk around striving to be versions of ourselves that exist only in our imagination. We need to reframe perfection as nothing more than a mere illusion. We are all imperfect. That suggests nothing of us except that fact. Yes, it is difficult to go against what you’ve been programmed to believe from a young age but it is worth it.

The way women around you show love and admiration for themselves is indicative of the way you may grow up loving yourself. Similarly, your beliefs surrounding other women are heavily connected to the beliefs you hold about yourself. As females, we suffer from this sort of perfect person syndrome. We believe that if we had more good traits and less bad traits, we’d be better people. This doesn’t take into account that it’s perfectly okay for others to walk away from or not vibe with us. Women are the ones that grow up to become mothers, if they so choose. I challenge you to find a group of people more giving! Mothers are people who believe they have to be everything for everyone.
On that note, there is only one day in a month that you can get pregnant. Guess what that means? Every single thing had to align for you to be created. The circumstances had to be absolutely perfect. Nothing could be off, not even a little. It had to be one way and one way only. Even then, it’s common enough for women to get pregnant and less so for babies to be born. Statistically, there is only a twenty percent chance you’ll make it to full term. So, in the simplest of terms, the fact that you’re alive means you’re already perfect. The whole process of pregnancy, the fact that it was you who came into existence and not another being. Every single part of you being as such is not by chance. It was meant to be. It was ordained.
We are most in love with ourselves when we live according to our personal truth. You can’t be judgemental and curious- notice and choose consciously how you want to feel. Aim to love yourself in your pain, happiness and as you grieve. You are amidst the seasons of change. Let yourself feel. There is a natural divide between your soul and personality. When you expose those lines and close them through self love, you feel alive and satisfied. This is how you should be at all times. When there’s a gap however, one that continues to grow bigger and gape further, you feel depressed and unsatisfied. You need to close that gap once and for all to align with and live out your truth. This is what you owe yourself. There is a difference between obligation and alignment. The intent behind our actions is equally important as what we do. Obligation is when you’re doing what you feel you need to for others without consideration for yourself. Alignment is when you can feel how right you actions are for yourself.
We must live consciously, taking the time to notice how we feel at any given moment. Lukewarm and halfhearted is no good in life. There is no path to success or happiness that stems from it. If something isn’t calling to you in a big bold voice, whether a potential job, partner, place of residence or opportunity, it isn’t for you. Check in with yourself when you make decisions, big or small. Do what makes you feel good. Put your oxygen mask on first and make sure to take care of number one- that’s you. Now, being number one in your world isn’t synonymous with being selfish. If something leaves you feeling drained, walk away without regrets. You need to fill your own cup before you can successfully help others. What isn’t right for you requires no justification of action. No is a complete sentence. If everybody took the time to nurture themselves first, they wouldn’t need as much external help. As our truest selves, we are all that we need. We are full to the brim with all goodness and blessing. We have achieved optimal wellness. Take that in for a moment. People, experiences and things can all provide nourishment. Or, they can do the exact opposite. Check in with yourself- ask the following questions when analysing a situation:
       Do I feel safe? Do I feel stable?
       Do I feel inspired and creative?
       Do I feel open to receive? Do I feel loved?
        Do I feel happy? Do I feel excited? Do I feel good?
When you begin to live in alignment, what is no longer fitting for you will begin to fall away. This is not an experience of loss but a way for newer and better things to have a place when they enter your life. If you don’t feel good about something, it likely isn’t meant to be. Trust your intuition. It holds you together and keeps you safe from harm. When you say no to something, you’re saying yes to what is truly right for you. Likewise, when you say yes to something, you’re saying no to what isn’t right for you.
Consider your journey in relation to the one others are on. Honour your alignment in this time and place. What is right for you may not be so for other people. As long as you respect their choices and don’t seek to change them, your relationship should improve, not suffer. It isn’t necessary to hold the same views as another in order to be their friend and act with kindness and humility. When someone is lacking in self love, they are acting out of alignment and failing to do things that light their soul up. The difference between alignment and misalignment can be illustrated as such. Imagine you’re sitting in the garden, watering your plants. You have a garden hose in hand and there’s a constant spray of sustenance being directed towards all that lives and breathes. Then, suddenly, a kink appears in that hose and stops the flow. Here is how we apply this to our day to day- a kink is anything that stops the ease of flow in your life. Kinks are easy to spot because they make you feel resentful and keep you in an off state. What you should begin to do is unkink little things. Perhaps you want to wake up earlier in the mornings in order to be at school or work on time. If you turn up late too often, you risk getting a detention or being fired. The former of the two is certainly a kink I can work on. However, I can’t solve everything and that’s okay. Working on the small fry stuff and leaving bigger problems for when you’re more equipped to deal with them is always a smart choice. When you begin the process of unkinking, no matter how slow you go, more will turn out in your favour.
The concept of morning momentum is also relevant here. When you fall asleep at night, everything freezes. When you begin to wake up the next day, it restarts. You need a chain of good thoughts to start a domino effect and build momentum. A single, lone thought leads to another and another, setting the tone for your good. In this way, it’s easy to have a good day or a bad one. It’s up to you. One thing you can do when you wake up is to consider all the good in your life. Make note of your blessings. For the first ten minutes of your day, check in with your heart and soul. Be real with yourself and feel what you will. Recite positive affirmations.
Some parting advice- no matter how small the decision, consider what the highest version of yourself would do and follow that. This is the person you want to end up being. What you put into yourself you get out. This is a massive return investment into your wellbeing and future. Live by it!

 

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  2. This is so inspirational, Maryam! My favorite part: “the fact that you’re alive means you’re already perfect.” That was such a beautiful paragraph. This post by itself raised my self esteem so much. Thank you for this xx

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