It’s safe to say the heatwave in Sydney has truly hit and the suffering is underway! I spent the better half of this weekend up in the Blue Mountains at my grandma’s place, soon also to be mine. We had a much needed lie in, sleeping on and off until eleven. The wind blustered through trees outside, causing quite the racket. I was surprised the power lines didn’t snap, nor did any plants come down. My grandma and I spent many slow hours resting, watching shows on my laptop and consuming many bowls of neapolitan ice cream. I don’t have the biggest sweet tooth but that particular combination of flavours takes me right back to being a kid during the summer. I’d be at my great grandmother’s house in the afternoon and her freezer would be packed with ice cream bars and tubs. Strawberry, chocolate and vanilla. It really hit the spot. When I wasn’t reminiscing this weekend, I was shopping. My birthday is next wednesday and my mum took me out to choose a present. What better time than when sales are in full swing? I chose a short sleeved lacy top and linen culottes with a subtle striped. The perfect elevated outfit for warmer days. Earlier this week I’d ordered a few bits and pieces from my favourite ethical brand Seed Heritage. I’d had my eye on a pair of white jeans with matte gold button detailing and blue belted shorts. Look out for a small haul in the coming weeks- I hope it inspires you as much as it did me. Identifying your style and investing in well made clothing pieces that form a unique, cohesive wardrobe is a goal we should all work towards. As an artist, I see fashion as a clean cut extension to design. I enjoy living in a space that brings me joy just as much as I like to clothe myself in it. I frequently clear out my wardrobe, removing ill fitting pieces that have built up over time and replacing them accordingly. Many of my dresses, for instance, had become short, as had my jeans. I could wear them but I wouldn’t have felt modest or at my best. My grandma, bless her kind heart, is quite competent at sewing and has fixed a jumpsuit, dress and a few tops for me lately. As well as this, I’ve added in a few more elegant bags to the couple I keep on rotation, all in neutral shades of brown, beige and black. I have a few dressy bags in shades of blush and rose but don’t reach for them often.
The biggest change is that I went up a size in clothing- I’m now a ten. I’m okay with that. When I was younger I followed a strict vegetarian diet and was even vegan for a period of time. I restricted my diet and often kept myself from enjoyed food. I’d gotten to a point where I was making a conscious decision not to eat. Looking back, that is heartbreaking. Eating is as natural and necessary to our wellbeing and survival as sleeping or eating. It is a non negotiable. Our bodies are complex machines that process nutrients and calories without our intervention- we each have a natural weight range that we sit at and can maintain easily. When we keep to this, we’ll have plenty of energy and will look and feel lively. The truth is that a day or two of overeating will no have no real effect on what we look like. As it goes, weight is a poor indicator of overall health. You could be a toned fitness buff weighing the same as a curvy individual but with a significantly different appearance. It’s all about distribution and genetics. For a while, I’d gotten stuck in this mindset of needing to see a small size on the labels of the clothing I wore. I’d completely forgotten that I was no longer that young teen with an unhealthy mindset and priorities. Why should I expect myself to look the same after years of different experiences? The many months spent inside due to a pandemic, rape, a miscarriage, disordered eating. I might have gained weight but I also felt it fall off my shoulders when I decided to treat my body with honour and respect. I have stretch marks, scars, spots here and there. All point to a life well lived. A body that was a home. A body that shrunk and expanded, opened up and healed. A body that allows me the privilege of speaking, seeing, breathing, laughing, dancing, kissing, hugging, loving and so much more. What a miracle it is to be alive. The mess and the charm are one with each other.
This week has certainly been interesting. Finishing school has started to feel real- my teachers have begun signing clearance forms to confirm I’ll be moving next year. School is a chapter in my life that I’m ready to close- I can say that with certainty at this point. The college situation has thrown yet another curveball my way and we’re attempting to navigate that and do some damage control. The way private colleges work sometimes is through a few help system. Fee help allows you to pay a percentage of your course fees over a matter of years, once you start earning fifty thousand or more annually. Should your income drop below this figure, you’ll be under no obligation to continue paying. Suppose you waste your qualification and never earn this salary- the government will assume responsibility of your debt and you’ll be relieved of it. As it turns out, you have to apply for fee help. Towards the end of the week, my mum and I decided to bite the bullet and sign my acceptance papers. We looked through the fee help form and began to fill it out before realising that a tax identification number was needed. No big deal, we thought. Unfortunately, this could take up to a month to receive. There is no set deadline for accepting Billy Blue’s offer and getting the paperwork back to them but they start timetabling classes soon.
Getting qualified is expensive and the courses offered are somewhat inaccessible to your average person unless there’s a solid system in place. I’ve applied for a scholarship and will hear back about that this coming January. My course advisor has been in contact and review my portfolio and resume. She says it’s high quality, professional and that she’s confident I have a real shot at making it through. She’s been a real star throughout this process and has gone above and beyond to ensure I’m informed, comfortable and putting my best foot forward. When needed, she’s filled out applications for me and spoken to the right people to ensure they consider me and my work. I’m just happy that the scholarship position isn’t reserved for one person but is dealt on the basis of potential they see in a range of people. If there was only a single spot, many deserving individuals would miss out. I believe equal opportunities in the education system is crucial so am glad this is being recognised. Sometimes we need to be propped up in order to be on the same page as other people. Special accomodations aren’t designed to give people the upper hand or an unfair advantage. They exist to help those with unique struggles and impositions succeed too. I’d be among the very youngest at Billy Blue and by way of this have less experience and know how in the field. I can’t write a resume showing my climb up the corporate ladder. I can’t list my distinctions and promotions because I’m not there yet.
However, I’m imminently entering adulthood and I do have accomplishments to my name. Take this blog, for instance. What started off as a hobby I enjoyed for how mature it seemed blossomed into something else entirely. I’d never have imagined my space on the internet could bring me such community, nor that eighteen brands would recognise my consistency, eye for design, hard work + commitment to my craft and decide to take me on. It’s been five and a half years since infinitelyadaydreamer was born. More importantly through, this was when I took the leap and decided to follow my calling. My creative side is so happy I made the plunge. As of today, I have a readership of a thousand beautiful people. How blessed I am to call you my beautiful friends. Thank you endlessly for making my dreams reality and for pushing me towards greatness each and everyday. Your continuous support and words of affirmation are like nothing else- they instill courage and peace in me. Whether we are chatting about our plans for the week or deep diving into a thoughtful discussion, you are the reason I write. I know I can count on you to see me through all the seasons of my life, both joyous and sombre.
On another note, I have an interview with Sydney Design College on Tuesday. They are also city based with a campus in St Leonards. At this point, I’m remaining open and praying all will work out. TAFE has eliminated itself as an option, for starters. Earlier this year, we were told that applications would open the first week of December, right as I turned seventeen. A month proved to make all the difference when they switched the date to November. As I was under seventeen, TAFE needed proof that I’d finished Year Ten and fulfilled the criteria for receiving my rosa certificate, also known as record of school achievement. This document is unable to be released until the fourth of December. Places filled up quickly for the certificate four in Interior Design and Decoration, effectively pushing me out. I don’t mind so much though- TAFE proved to be a limiting pathway. I’d have to waste six months in a certificate course and the option of getting my degree doesn’t exist. Sydney Design College operates quite differently to Billy Blue and this I’m unsure of. Their diploma course fee is twenty thousand and you’d have to pay half of that upfront. There are no time slots to choose from class wise- nine thirty am to four thirty pm is it. You can go in two or three days a week depending on whether you’d like to fast track your studies or take it easy. The first semester begins January twenty eighth next year. As a not so morning person, I’m not sure how I’d make it work. At the end of the day, I owe it to myself to set up for success.
This was a beautiful post… Thank you for sharing, Maryam. Your outfits sound lovely and I’m glad you have gotten some shopping in, recently. 😊 I honestly am still trying to figure out my clothing style… I have recently been trying to clean out and redo my closet as 1950 style. It has been quite enjoyable, a slow process, but it’s been lovely. ❤
Have a wonderful day.
– Keziah
Ah, 1950’s style sounds gorgeous! I adore the love, vintage dresses. The prints are always so chic and the length of the dress makes for a modest yet trendy outfit!
Hope you’re also having a wonderful day. Lots of love xx
Ahh, yes! I love it as well. Have a wonderful day. ❤
You too! x
Ah, if Melbourne has been heating up I can only imagine what Sydney is like – you have my sympathy Maryam the heat is INTENSE! It sounds like you and your grandma have been having a lovely time though. That’s lovely to hear, I hope you’re excited to move in with her.
I wonder if it’s this time of year – I’ve also been decluttering and selling/donating my old clothes! I love your attitude towards outgrowing clothes. I have also increased a dress size and, similarly to you, I see it as no reason to be concerned. As much as it made my heart ache to read about your struggles, I’m beyond happy to hear that you don’t feel bound to your dress size. You are a gorgeous and wonderful human, both inside and out.
Good luck with your scholarship! I’m putting out all the positive vibes your way <3
Sending so much love and light your way Mia. Thank you for all the well wishes! Yes, that would be quite the change in weather! Melbourne doesn’t usually heat up all that much, does it? Considering you’re an English native, I can see why this would make for an adjustment. I visited England in 2016 and spoke constantly about how cold I was.. I mean, most people have inbuilt air conditioners in their room, not heaters! I burnt myself accidentally many a time because I just planted myself next to the heater, haha.
Decluttering and sending old clothes off to charity is such a simple but meaningful way to serve yourself and others. Out with the old, in with the new I say! There’s nothing worse than a wardrobe full of clothes that are ill fitting and bring up unpleasant memories!
Loved reading this, beautifully written!
I love your grandma for keeping a constant supply of ice cream! How special 🥰 neopolitan is a great combo of flavours on any occasion!
Yay that you purchased the white jeans! They’ll look fab – can’t wait to see the haul! What are your plans for your birthday? ☺️
All the best for the changes you have going on Maryam – praying things go really well in your favour xx
Thank you as always Chels! Ah yes, she is truly a sweetheart. My grandma and I have the best time together and I know she always makes the effort to keep foods I like in the house when I stay over. It’s little things that mean the most.
Yes, haul coming soon! I’ve picked up quite a few summer pieces for my wardrobe and let me tell you, I simply adore the palette I’ve got going on. Neutral but lots of chic pops of colour!
What have you been up to lately? x
Grandmas are the cutest!
I totally get what you mean being okay with your body no matter what the size. It’s just important to be healthy. I’ve gone up a size too this year after going down 4 sizes last year. But I’m trying to just keep up with my workouts and be healthy. ♥️
Good luck with your scholarship. It’s such a great initiative by the Australian government . We don’t have any such thing in India and post graduation costs can get pretty steep so most students end up with huge student loans that take years to pay off! 🙈
Ah, yes, they definitely are! I love mine endlessly. She is such an inspiration to me <3
Yes, good and optimal health should always be the first of the blessings we count in life. We take it for granted because there's truly so much we couldn't do if our health wasn't on our side. That's why I focus on wellness so much. Mind and body much be balanced and achieve a state of harmony in order for us to excel and pursue all we wish too. I'm glad you seem to be keeping a positive mindset. I know that it can be difficult some days but that's how we'll find happiness. By seeing and acknowledging ourselves for who we are, as we are, whilst implementing healthy changes to our lifestyle.
Yes, scholarships are a great initiative and they make so much possible. As a young student just starting in the college world, a lot of doors would be closed to me if this wasn't on the cards. I'm still awaiting scholarship news but if I'm successful, twenty percent will be taken off my course fee and I'll be a member of an exclusive group who receive success training sessions and the like. What is your education system like in India?
Good luck for your scholarship! I hope you get it! 🙂
Education system in India is pretty flawed in many terms. There isn’t a lot of government support to students in monetary terms but there are government colleges which have lower fees in comparison to private colleges. Eg: I did my engineering from a Govt. college so the fees was 1/4 th that of a private college. But there are very few government colleges and they usually only accept the best students basis entrance exams conducted. Private colleges are pretty expensive for professional courses.
A lovely post as always! I love all the inspiration, but the “chosen, not forsaken” one really hits me.
I feel like the struggle with weight is something so many of us girls go through. I’m glad that you’re able to love yourself nonetheless! One of my friends once explained to me that our bodies tend to stay towards a certain weight range because that’s how it operates best, and it made so much sense to me, why even when I worked out very intensely I barely lost a pound or too. Our bodies just need to stay at that weight to function properly. Trying to love my body as it is has been a struggle but reading posts like yours help so much. Thank you for this, Maryam. ❤
I just want to say, what you went through is heartbreaking, but I admire you for your strength and courage. Stay amazing, Maryam, you are so beautiful, inside AND out, and I wish you all the success and happiness in your future endeavors!!
Also, I love this: “What a miracle it is to be alive. The mess and the charm are one with each other.” So true – we are so imperfect, but that only makes us beautiful.
I absolutely love this post! Stay safe, friend x
You have the kindest heart. I’m so grateful for beautiful friends like you Wardah! Always making this blogosphere such a positive space.
Yes, the struggle with weight- either the experience of feeling overweight or appearing too underweight- is one all to familiar to, I’d say, most of the population. For some of us though, these feelings manifest and become much more sinister. As a child in my younger primary school years, I was within a healthy range. There were no concerns- towards year five and six though, those stages where you naturally bulk up somewhat, I began eating a less balanced diet. Couple that with my depression and I was either much too overweight or trying to limit my consumption as much as possible. There was no grey scale. It was all black and white in my mind. It had to be an extreme. Even being in a normal weight range can be difficult for this reason- you’re not sure how to think of yourself and whether you could afford to gain a few pounds or lose some.
That’s why it’s best to always lean into your bodies cues. You are an intuitive being, after all. The complexity of our human system is beyond belief. Synpases firing constantly, our veins long enough to stretch over 60,000 miles when laid straight.. do miracles ever cease! At any given time, the scales of our health are constantly being balanced. We are truly blessed to function so perfectly. Most of the time we need no outside input to feel our best. I’m glad I could help you along your body positivity journey. That is such an honour.
Very well stated, Maryam. Even with other things too, I feel like we fall into the belief that everything must be at some extreme, although that is very rarely ever the case when it comes to almost anything in life. Thank you for sharing your story. I hope you are doing better now. No matter what, numbers can never define our worth. We’re worth so much more than our looks and the number on the scale! Take care friend x
Of course! That’s it exactly.
Love this post 💚 beautifully written ..
Good luck on your interview on Tuesday 🤞🤞
Thank you very much! I’m happy to hear it.
I’d say the interviewer was confident in my skills as she offered me a place at the school afterwards. They’d promised to come to a decision pretty quickly and so I’m appreciative of that. I’m glad I went with the other school though! I was fairly confident I wouldn’t change my mind.
that’s a very positive news 🙌🙌